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Tue 17 Sep 19 18:26
You may have pulled off the best stag party since a beardy fat bloke shared a hotel bathroom with a Las Vegas tiger. You might even be guarding the wedding rings with more loyalty than a barefoot short guy from the Shire.
But your job’s not over yet.
You’ve convinced yourself that if you squint you look a bit like Bradley Cooper in your tux. But with all eyes on you, have you remembered to accessorise with a slamming best man speech?
The best man’s toast is undoubtedly a highlight at any wedding – but let’s face it we’ve all witnessed some train wrecks. Unless you’re a natural at stand-up, chances are you’re going to need some guidance. Luckily for you, we at The Stag's Balls have got plenty...
Wait, don’t close your browser just yet, lads – read this first. We can all agree there is some terrible advice out there. So step away from any websites recommending one-liners about emotional cakes being in tiers or it being the fifth time today you’ve stood up with a warm piece of paper in your hand. Which brings us to our next point…
We all know how that one ends. Yes, you might raise a few titters out of a recycled ‘cheapskate’ joke at the groom’s expense, but you’re better than that. Whether you’ve known him since he was in nappies or you met as young, dumb, full of... enthusiasm lads in uni halls, you’re the person with the best (embarrassing) stories about him, so use them
The focus here should be a witty description of the groom. By all means have your moment of ecstatic bromance, but once you’ve finished reminiscing over your first 18-30s holiday together, move on to describing some character traits that friends and family will recognise are really ‘him’. Maybe he knows all the words to the Moana soundtrack or has an unhealthy obsession with hair wax – whatever it is, make sure it’s him and not some made-up groom you’re talking about
You might object to your bestie skipping Tuesday’s five-a-side football to stay in and watch Bake Off, but reminding his partner they’re too good for him and saying a few words about how he’s changed (for the better) since meeting the right person always goes down a treat (it helps if there’s an element of truth here, but it’s not essential).
Even we know a wedding is really just a party with a free bar and lots of fancy decorations. Getting shit-faced at some point in the evening is given, but try and wait until after the speech so you don’t have to slur your way through it.
Don’t refer to the groom’s exes as ‘conquests’. In fact, don’t refer to the groom’s exes at all. Even if you have a wealth of material on this subject. It’s just no, sorry.
You’ll have everyone from kids to the elderly hanging on your every word if you get this right. Innuendo is fine – you’re not in church now – just don’t get too smutty. The groom’s nan doesn’t need to hear about the ‘soggy biscuit years’.
Reeling off a list of anecdotes doesn’t really work, however funny they are. Try and develop a narrative by building your speech on a theme. Maybe the groom’s a nature lover – how would David Attenborough describe this rare breed of man? Perhaps he’s a Marvel freak – what would his powers be if he was a superhero?
If you're struggling and need some expert advice, the comedy writers at Speechy help save wedding speeches from tired clichés, Googled gags, and awkward silences – one best man at a time.
Their Best Man Template is designed to extract your best material and create genuine humour without having to resort to generic jokes. And their BBC-trained scriptwriters know what works and what doesn’t. Having worked with shows like Have I Got News For You and with comedians like David Mitchell, their writers understand what the audience wants.
For 15% off your perfect best man speech, use their special code PROMO1. And if they think your first go at the speech is actually fine as it is, they'll refund you!
Give us a shout if you have any questions and we'll be happy to help plan out an amazing stag trip.
Now that your stag do is sorted and with the wedding not long after, go forth and impress everyone with a sophisticated speech to go with that suit.
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