Being invited on a stag do can bring mixed feelings when you’re an introvert. You might genuinely like the lads, you might be buzzing for the groom and you might even be looking forward to getting stuck into a few beers. But the thought of two or three days surrounded by a load of blokes, constant noise, late nights, questionable decisions and very little time alone can leave you wondering whether you’ve accidentally signed yourself up for military training.
The good news is that you don’t need to become the loudest bloke in the room to have a cracking time on your or your mate’s stag do. Here’s our guide on how to survive a stag do if you’re an introvert.
Find Out What’s Planned
One of the worst things about going into a busy weekend as an introvert is not knowing what’s coming next. If you’ve got no idea where you’re staying, what activities are booked, how much time you’ll have between events or whether you’re expected to spend every waking minute with the group, your brain can start doing overtime.
Ask the organiser for the itinerary before you go. You don’t need a minute by minute schedule, but knowing the general plan will help you prepare. Find out when you’re travelling, where you’re staying, what activities are booked, when meals are happening and whether there are any big nights out.
It’ll also give you a chance to work out which bits you’re genuinely looking forward to and which bits might take a bit more out of you. If there’s a ridiculous afternoon activity followed by dinner and a night out, at least you’ll know you’re going to need a breather somewhere along the way.
Don’t Feel Like You Have to Perform
This one’s important. A stag do isn’t an audition for Britain’s loudest bloke. You don’t have to suddenly become the life and soul of the party because you’re surrounded by ten other men shouting, drinking and telling increasingly terrible stories about the groom. If you’re naturally quieter, that’s fine.
Join in when you want to. Have a laugh. Take the mick out of your mates. Get involved with the activities. You can still be part of the fun without trying to compete with the bloke who’s somehow been awake since 6am and has already told the same story four times.
The lads will probably care far less about how much you’re talking than you think they do. Everyone’s there for the groom, and most people will be too busy having a laugh to analyse whether you’ve contributed enough to the conversation.
Get Involved in the Activities
Being an introvert doesn’t mean you should sit out everything. In fact, organised stag activities can be a great way to socialise without having to make endless small talk. When you’re doing something together, you’ve automatically got something to talk about.
Whether it’s paintball, karting, clay pigeon shooting, cocktail making, football, an escape room or something completely ridiculous, you’ve got a shared experience to get stuck into. You can have a laugh with the lads without having to stand around in a bar wondering how to join a conversation that’s already been going for twenty minutes.
And let’s be honest, a bit of healthy competition can bring even the quietest bloke out of his shell. You might not fancy shouting across a nightclub, but you might suddenly discover you’ve got very strong opinions about who cheated during the go karting.
Take Five When You Need It
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with disappearing for half an hour. If the group has been together since breakfast, you’ve spent the afternoon doing activities and you’re heading into a busy evening, it’s perfectly reasonable to take some time to yourself. Go back to the hotel. Have a shower. Sit somewhere quiet. Stick your headphones on. Watch some rubbish telly. Do whatever helps you reset.
You don’t need to announce that you’re having an introvert emergency. Just take a little breather.
You might find that after thirty minutes of peace and quiet, you’re ready to head back out and join the lads again. It’s much better than forcing yourself to stay involved until you’re completely knackered and then becoming the bloke who silently stares into the middle distance while everyone else orders another round.
Have a Mate in Your Corner
If you’re worried about feeling awkward, find one person on the stag do who you’re comfortable with. It could be your best mate, your brother, another groomsman or simply one of the lads you get on with particularly well. Having someone you can naturally stick with can make a massive difference.
You don’t need to spend the entire weekend attached at the hip. Just knowing there’s someone you can grab a drink with, sit next to at dinner or have a quick word with can make unfamiliar situations much easier.
It can also help if you’re joining a stag do where you don’t know everyone. You won’t have to walk into a room full of strangers and start working the crowd like some sort of nightclub politician.
Don’t Overdo the Booze
Yes, it’s a stag do. Yes, there’ll probably be beer. Yes, someone will inevitably suggest that another round is an excellent idea.
But if you’re an introvert, getting absolutely hammered might not make the weekend easier. Alcohol can make you feel more sociable for a while, but it can also leave you exhausted, anxious and feeling rough as anything the following morning.
You don’t have to match the drinking pace of the bloke next to you. Have a few drinks, enjoy yourself and know when you’ve had enough.
Nobody needs to know that you’re secretly drinking lemonade. And if they do notice, tell them you’re pacing yourself. There’s still a good chance you’ll be the one laughing at everyone else when they’re desperately searching for a bacon sandwich the next morning.
Use Meals as a Reset
Meals are actually one of the easiest ways to get some downtime during a stag do. You don’t have to be chatting constantly while you’re eating. Grab some food, have a drink and let the conversation happen naturally. If you’ve had a hectic few hours, sitting down with a decent meal can give you a chance to recharge without completely disappearing from the group.
It’s also a good opportunity to chat to people one on one. Introverts often find smaller conversations much easier than trying to keep up with a massive group discussion where six blokes are talking at once.
And let’s face it, nobody’s going to complain about having a proper feed. A hungry stag party is rarely a peaceful stag party.
Remember That Nobody’s Watching You That Closely
This is one of those things that’s easy to forget. You might be worrying that you’ve gone quiet, that you don’t know what to say or that you’re standing around looking awkward. Meanwhile, everyone else is probably thinking about themselves.
The bloke next to you is wondering whether he should order another pint. Someone else is trying to remember where he left his phone. Another lad is attempting to convince everyone that his terrible idea is actually genius.
They’re not sitting there judging your social performance. So stop worrying about whether you’re being entertaining enough. You’re there to enjoy the weekend, not host it.
Pick Your Battles
You don’t have to do absolutely everything. If the stag do has six activities, three bars, a nightclub, an early breakfast and a surprise event that nobody will explain, you don’t need to throw yourself into every single thing just because it’s on the schedule.
Obviously, don’t skip something important to the groom without speaking to the organiser. But if there’s an optional late-night session and you’re completely shattered, it’s okay to call it.
You know yourself. If staying out until 4am means you’ll be miserable for the next day and a half, there might be more value in heading back slightly earlier and being ready for the next morning.
The trick is not to avoid everything that makes you uncomfortable. It’s knowing the difference between pushing yourself a little and completely draining yourself.
Don’t Be Afraid of the Ridiculous Stuff
Some of the best stag do moments happen when nobody takes themselves seriously. You might be quieter than the rest of the group, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get involved in the daft stuff. Wear the stupid outfit. Take part in the challenge. Get competitive over something completely pointless. Have a go at the activity you’ve never tried before.
You don’t need to become a different person. Just give yourself permission to loosen up. Sometimes having something ridiculous to laugh about makes socialising much easier because everyone is in the same boat. Nobody looks cool trying to escape an inflatable obstacle course while wearing a novelty costume. That’s exactly why it’s fun.
Speak Up Before the Stag Do
If you’re genuinely worried about something, don’t leave it until you’re already there. Tell the organiser if you’ve got concerns about the itinerary, accommodation, travel arrangements or anything else that’s playing on your mind. You don’t need to make a massive announcement about being an introvert. Just be honest about what you’re comfortable with.
A decent organiser will want everyone to enjoy themselves, especially the groom’s mates. They’d much rather know beforehand if someone needs a bit of downtime than discover it halfway through the weekend when they’ve disappeared without telling anyone.
And if you’re worried about being pressured into something, remember that you’re allowed to say no. A stag do should be a laugh, not an endurance test.
Enjoy the Bits You Actually Like
Don’t spend the entire weekend worrying about the parts you don’t enjoy. If you’re happiest doing activities rather than clubbing, get stuck into the activities. If you prefer sitting down over a few beers and having a proper chat, enjoy that. If you’re competitive, embrace it. If you’re the bloke who loves finding a decent restaurant after a day of drinking, make that your moment. There’s no single correct way to enjoy a stag do.
The loudest bloke isn’t automatically having the best time. You don’t need to be dancing on tables or attempting to drink your body weight in lager to come away with some cracking stories.
Go With the Right Attitude
Ultimately, the best thing you can do is stop treating your introversion like a problem that needs fixing. You’re going to a stag do because someone you know is getting married. That’s worth celebrating. You’ll be surrounded by mates, family and other people who are there for the same reason. You don’t need to reinvent yourself for the weekend.
Give things a go. Have a laugh. Get involved. Take a breather when you need one. Don’t drink more than you want to. Don’t feel guilty for having a quiet hour. And don’t spend the whole weekend worrying about whether you’re being sociable enough. You might even surprise yourself.
That activity you weren’t sure about could turn out to be the funniest part of the weekend. The bloke you barely knew could become your new drinking buddy. The night out you were dreading could end up being one of the best nights you’ve had in ages.
And if none of that happens, at least you’ve survived the stag do without hiding in the hotel bathroom until Sunday. That’s still a win.
You Can Still Enjoy a Stag Do If You’re an Introvert
Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re going to hate a stag do. It just means you’ll probably enjoy it more when you’ve got a bit of balance.
Get involved with the activities, spend time with the lads, enjoy the food and drinks, have a laugh with the groom and don’t be afraid to take yourself off for a breather when your social battery is flashing red.
Most importantly, don’t put pressure on yourself to act like the loudest bloke in the group. The groom invited you because he wants you there, not because he’s expecting you to become a professional party animal overnight.
So go along, get stuck in, take the piss, make a few memories and enjoy yourself. You don’t have to shout the loudest to have a bloody good stag do.
